Silence at Twilight


One of my favorite things is to have some alone time very early in the morning. I LOVE it. It feeds me in a way not many other things do. It’s being in a quiet state, with no one to talk to, nothing to do but just BE, and do what ever feels best in that moment, that I truly love. I don’t know if I’ve always been a morning person, or if it’s the fact that I am now a mother and the very early mornings are pretty much the only time in the whole day that I will get to be by myself in such a quiet contemplative state. Either way, waking up before or with the sun is one of those things in life that I do not get enough of.

This morning I got to do that. The sun wasn’t up yet, it was dark outside. There was barely any noise or cars in the streets. It felt like an ideal moment to be alone. After I got the baby back to sleep, I chose to get up instead of trying to get some less than good quality sleep. My youngest who is 10 months old is a terrible sleeper. He wakes up frequently at night and if I end up getting more than 2 hours of sleep in a row it feels like a small victory. Because of that, I tend to try and go back to sleep as much as I can. And some mornings, like today, I decide that the quality me time I will get from waking up before any one else does will do so much more for my mood and energy than trying to fall back asleep. These mornings are too far and few between. Because of the intense sleep deprivation I have been in for months, I rarely make the decision to get up once the baby falls back asleep at 6am.

I know how to appreciate good things when they present themselves. So when the opportunity arose, I slipped out of bed, grabbed my yoga mat and had a beautiful, quiet, peaceful, energizing, nourishing 25 minutes by myself, doing yoga. With each breath I took, I released my mind and it’s chatter. With each muscle relaxing, I allowed my heart to expand more freely. With the soothing rise and fall of my chest as I filled my lungs up with fresh new oxygen, I sunk deeper into each posture. The beauty here didn’t lie in how flexible I was becoming with each movement, the beauty came from the amount of love and appreciation that was filling my heart as I was allowing myself to just BE with ME.

I am busy mom of three. As soon as the first kid wakes up, very little belongs to me. I am on timed schedule between school drop offs, pick ups, nap times, eating and playing. Diaper changes and potty runs. Snacks to make and walks to take. Sure I do a lot for myself, but even that is scheduled in with either playground time or nap time. I rarely have the flexibility to just be with myself and do something for myself without it having being interrupted. My body barely belongs to me during that time as I am still breastfeeding. And even once the kids go to sleep, I have an agenda of things I want to do, social media I want to catch up on, things to clean.

So taking these moments alone in the mornings, are one of the most luxurious things I do for myself. Being in silence before even the rest of the world starts busying by outside, feels like that moment is mine. Like no one else exists but me. And being a mother, having these moments of pure centered selfishness are what allow me to be an even better mother. When I start my day off alone, I am so much more ready to welcome any craziness that arises with calm and ease.

To finish off this amazing start of my day, my two year old gets up, comes and finds me in the living room after I had finished stretching, snuggles on my lap and says “Maman, come back to bed, come snuggle with me”. This kind of life, is truly a good life.

Here is a link to part of stretching i was able to do so early in the morning 🙂 :